Journeys

ive been in istanbul too long now.

2009-11-05T11:24:00.001-05:00

incessant beeping of car horns..
the pollution coating the back of my throat.
the guy next to me in this net cafe
asking where msn messenger is.

the feeling i have right now

impatient patience.
transit waiting.
waiting...
for the pollution in my nose not to be there anymore...
so i can smell sweet trees
see the clouds pass thru the leaves..
And thru the bright night lights
and hazy days
the apathy and boredom that drowns
and dismays
the people in the city who know no more than
long hours and struggles - çay and football...
sucking on cigarettes everywhere i go.
every second breath i take...
i get a lungfull of it.

the kındness of opression of being a woman
the respect of the front door before him
and the eyes
that say no man will want her
they dont say it to me
but i hear it.
whats that thing under her nose. she has a moustache!

allah knows...

great spirit is forgotten in this great big world
i feel myself lose it
now its so big it shows
i wanna be out of this city matrix..

somehow i get stuck.
patience to practice.
theres been invaluble lessons for me here.

Treasurebox

2009-11-04T16:06:00.001-05:00

2009-11-04T16:04:00.003-05:00

Rebirth

2009-10-22T17:30:00.000-04:00

When i die

i am reborn.

My body becomes the earth
My blood becomes the sea
My bones become the rocks
My hair becomes the plants
My breath; the wind that blows

İ return to the spirit of all things...

Travellin here

2009-10-22T17:29:00.001-04:00

The golden road of dream and dream
we're travellin in a holographic sphere
dancing here, dancing here..

star'crosed on open plains
dreamtime journey
travelling here

Gift

2009-10-22T17:25:00.002-04:00

what a marvellous gift.
to be here now
in a beautiful moment of
a stretched cat reclined
and
sounds vibrating to a beat-y
flowing harmonic...
poetry fills the mind with love of
uni~verse

one song

inspiriation plucked from the ether
sparks of
fascination
imaginiation
einstein said it all started from there...
stillness
meditative genius.

Dancing Leaves

2009-10-22T17:25:00.001-04:00

everything communicates to us. language is but a means of communication.
every object , creature, animate or inanimate is a lesson.
made of source we orignate from the same place in infinite possibilities of arrangement of atoms and chemicals
language is symbolic. made of symbols
symbols that communicate ideas
ideas inspire feelings
and we learn from how we feel our way through life.
the wind that rustles leaves
and the dance the leaves share,
by dancing in the wind that-
sends messages through the leaves
and to us
so we may receive...

on a train somewhere in croatia. august 2009

2009-10-22T16:53:00.000-04:00

golden sun / yummy rays shinin in this train -
my new friend sleeps
Mıa Dyson plays in my ears and this inscence makes the bad smelly feet smell-
lıke nag champa.
Sharp rocks -still waters -diamond lights
nothing like travellin - these times sublime -
riding train lines-brown skın/ sleepin out
Moonshine/non-toxic lunar love.

A Selkie's Sojourn

2008-05-13T13:43:00.000-04:00

Id love to take you to a sea dragons lair
where many make the journey
down ancient earthly stairs...
walking over rocky platforms
engulfed in rich ocean air -

few souls see the hidden things that exist in this place
for few see past the veil of illusion
and honor this sacred space.

A retreat for the soul
timelessness found here
stillness and quiet
In a holographic sphere...

You-self

2008-05-13T03:05:00.000-04:00

The lights dim
I cant see clearly now.
My feet crunch the ground.
I feel the twigs snap under my feet.

My breath - short and fast
The pace hastens -
Whats around me is now a blur.
My feet are running,
Running so fast and
The darkness is closing in and
Im running right into it.

Im bloody scared. Im petrified.
But i cant go back. no, no...
i cant ever go back...

Im here now
Im running now.

I smile. Always smile he had said.
My head goes back as my legs keep their rhythm.
The air passes through my hair.
I can
feel every strand caressed.
Its now
pitch black but i can see clearly.
I know
this is the way. I know it.
I feel it.
This is my destiny -
This is what i came to do

NumberS

2008-05-13T02:57:00.000-04:00

An enigmatic birthdate
Numerical vibrations
The Ka within
3D manifestations

Cosmic breath inhale
Raindrops are born
Follow her exhale
Revel in her storm.

O great mystery
Your secrets a paradox!
As soon as i think
I return to the box

From whence i came

This gift to see through
The crystal veil of what appears to be
Her divine light spirit
Is always lighting me
From inside out
to outside in
look closely little pixies...
Aha!
Mirror conspiracy!

::summer::

2008-05-13T02:53:00.000-04:00

- i dream of the the watery -

- crispy blue -

- freshly scents +

-summer hues-

>Zee Zee
2008-05-13T02:48:00.000-04:00
It was amazing
my whole world
went into overdrive
everything fracktalized
I was hypnotosized

Release

2008-05-10T13:37:00.000-04:00

::: From a week or so back, burning photos in my outdoor woodburner:::

- Under the starts in the city, the fire glows spitting its embers, flying high above, little orange fire faeries float in and out of dimensions and memories that once were are released back to source.
Semi-etheral are these flames dancing such intricate, delicate moves as the orange hithers and tithers.
The past becomes nothing more than ash and air.

I burn these photos in deep, deep gratitude, for they remind me of the lessons learned. They remind me of all aspects of life. From Poverty to abundance to love and hate. From deception and fear to liberation and awakening. Discovery and apprehension to beauty and innocence.
These photos span almost 15 years of my journey.
As they burn i am yet again reminded that.... memories are meant to fade... they are designed that way for a reason -

yoga

2008-05-10T13:18:00.000-04:00

My leg is trembling in the the 3rd warrior pose of the sequence. My left knee is bent at 90 degrees, my right leg is out straight behind me, my pelvis is close to the floor, both my arms are my by ears, stretched out out out

Caru paces around the room, counting.

5......4......3......2.................................

SmiiiiiLE!

Caru's playful voice echoes in the lotus room.

I nearly collapse!
But not from trembly leg

from laughing too much....

Yoga is meant to be done joYfully! He says beaming at everyone.

I dont think i could write enough or even find the right particular words to describe my yoga teacher... he embodies so much beyond what is and his classes are so simple, routine and oh, so, so profound.

I leave everytime with my head above the stratosphere walking on light

A hOp * sKip and a piXie JUmP!

2008-05-08T10:55:00.000-04:00

Phew! NOw that relationships have been sorted out and people are correctly allocated to their karmic roles, life can continue to unfold as it does - with much, MUCH less (if any) roughage than what was for the last little while!

Once again, proper open heartful communication - non judgement and love prove to be the tools by which to uncover, disable and dissolve any negativity that is and transmutes such energy into positive learning experiences :)

I am SO damn grateful for what i have in my life.
I really cant say it enough.

Today was a spontaneous darinka day - waking up and heeding to the universe calling me to my spacemobile -- we took off -- loaded with tha guitar, cameras, healing book, diary and food -- inspired by 3 quarters hazel -- promptly headed north at 10am -- passing through the central coast, terrigal, the entrance, budgewoi and eventually to munmorah national park - to a lookout called snapper point.... and the universe had guided me to a most beaUtiful place...

I realised at that moment that today was the day that i really learn about falling into the flow of being.

My drive up there was full of little signs- everyone has their own unique language with the universe - and for me numbers are very strong - they appear every day "coincidentally" - or as i like to say - "randomly synchronised" - in the form of music timecodes, clocks and numberplates. 888, 666 - primarily - the frequency they occur isnt funny anymore...

So, back to my adventure - after feeling abit trippy from all my digital messages, i was feeling a much warmer sort of love in my heart, as two guys had offered their help, once when i was walking back to my car on the highway,( after a roadside bushwalk) and the other at crossroads... and BOTH times inside i reacted internally with initial hostility but after their warmth- the negative was dissolved and i was reminded me to not be so judgemental and hostile - however having a weird stalker-ish episode with a dude and his car at sunset - to remind me to not be *too* naive!!

After i parked, i went for a walk from the lookout, pulled by the lure of the rockpools and ocean waves, armed with my two favourite cameras; and a beautiful red and orange lady bug accompanied me for a little while then flew off into the sun :-)
And hopping and skipping, jumping, sliding, slippin, picture takin, gigglin and smiling, revelling and getting lost in the shrubbery- i made a big round trip - down to the waters - around the rocks - roughly following some sort of path - up, down, around and backtrakkin- eventually back to my space mobile feeling high, refreshed and soul-lightened on my etheral dive into the cosmic waters of being myself with all that is, trusting my intuition on every step and returning home to make music with my guitar by a beautiful fire -- and for dessert, a wonderful chat with one of my closest friends :o)

x0x0x0x

Love is...

2008-04-30T10:37:00.000-04:00

The interaction and symbiosis between our souls - ... the anarchy of convention – boundaries cease to exist – evolving, within ourselves, thru eachother . Wyld vines growing from the earth

Fertile with inspiration and love.

Growing…expanding…reaching...exploring sensing… lloving and nurturing eachother –

plants of the cosmic seeds are we.

Rooted

High minds of a divine nature physically expressed – Holy.Sacred. The beauty to be described is beyond any human language.

The passion you invoke within me is difficult to contain

A new way i have seen from your indirect influence
My path forever altered the way it was intended to be.

Lovers travelling thru space and time, have we not met before? I think we have

The deep recognition i feel when i look into your eyes

The shivers down my spine with your touch

Becoming whole as we hold - dividing into individuals again

A constant unfettering synchronicity

Binding . A magnetic force

Kundalini.

This is the other dimension

Me for you and you for me

We are

One.

Two

A Pair

Two souls

And a million and one alternate paths….

Thank the gods we unite on this one

::::Body boarding on sydneys east syde::::

2008-04-30T10:25:00.000-04:00

waves crashin smashin
slappin face
ridin slidin
glidin,divin
enlivened
bubblin
gugglin
splashin round
kickin and kickin
till the board dips down
rushin n
rushin
...
all systems
flushin

Parts of the Process

2008-04-29T11:25:00.000-04:00

When im surrounded by people -
when im obsessed by people.
and when i wanna be free
those people
reflect to me what i need to transform
what that is
is my desire to identify myself through them
my desire to find out who i am
and questions that hurt and limit me like...
why dont they like me?
why dont they like me they way i want them to?

which is what im really saying.
Why dont i like myself?

This time

i really gotta just do things cuz i really WANT to . not because i think i shoud or because i think i might have fun - if im unsure about it. dont go there. chill. there is no rush. no rush
U gotta do what u gotta do and not take on others plans/ideas/personalities in an unconscious attempt to forge some form of identity .
I am who i am now. i have a home and a cat and a little more experience thats taught me about faith, flow and inner fire that creates and loves and expands through positivie thinking >>> create positive experiences.
Let go of the what if's and the shouldve's and could-haves
and what do i need to do thats best for me > this is my trip >my turn to indentify who I AM so i can fully participate my WHOLE being in all its fullness to be an active part of the Collective Consciousness.

This is my mission for now

Faith - not- Fear

20 - something

2008-04-28T10:35:00.000-04:00

sometimes being 20 something - barely starting out
seems like a big joke to those who've earnt their shout
been there done that - this is what they say
and i feel all small , insignificant and turn my head away

tho my peers are there around me- all i have to do is connect
i feel all outta place around acquaintances, friends or people ive just met -
it doesn't seem to matter in whatever place ill be
the insecurity rises up and takes control of me
and i surrender to its will and withdraw into my shell
then write it all out in my melancholic hell

Though its fertile ground for creative inspiration
my heart desperately yearns for this ego's participation
in all thats outlandish; fanciful frolicking and fun
its irresistable tho i choose to run -
away from the liberation that it offers to me
if only i could break free
from the minds chains binding.

Souls path

2008-04-25T15:34:00.001-04:00

I just got home from visting a friend - and after days of fairly intensive astrologia journey-ing i return home feeling light, refreshed connected and grounded. the first song i randomly play is called souls path...

North node awareness spinout. the acceptance of self. the discovery of identity. the doorways that open and the light of intution leads. coming from a place where i had no firm identity-
that 'get it' feeling. like when ur stuck on a maths problem and the epiphany dawns
that divine spark
this divine spark of pure universal love.
The insights i have gained into my character flaws are kinda blowing my mind- more so the implications - create- - enjoy-live-dance-breath-experience- the whole hologram and all its dimensions - to trust . to just allow yourself to fall smiling ear to ear into the foamy oceans of OUR reality.

(tropical) north node aries teaches me about learning to forge an identity and sense of self around others. to work out what i need based on my understanding and knowlege about myself.
As i was driving home i remembered how many times i based a decision of course of action on others movements/moods/decisions - and not doing what i needed/wanted - the kick was that i didnt really know what i wanted at all- and life became a big illusion where i was never satisfied and no matter how much i tried - socialising - non-self critisism - judgement - sadness - depression - anxiety and anger all dominated my psyche as i struggled to find the inner peace and balance ; in harmony with people around me, tho firstly and most importantly - with myself.
With this new found confidance i can understand what i need on a deeper level and not be afraid of offending another or letting them down if i need to follow my inner voice- which might lead to a different course of action than that of my friend. selfishness in a balanced way

:::Delusion at midnight:::

2008-04-23T10:01:00.000-04:00

why is it on one hand im so attracted to the concepts of blogs but when the space, time, mood, and tools for writing are there --- the inspiritation flys on by and delusion swings past.
And why is it most of my revelations or understandings, happen in the process of writing or speaking. maybe this is what channeling is all about.

what could be an eerie, tho chilled, laid back melodic minimalist beat plays from the speakers reverberating off the wall... the sound has stopped and the cars drive past. almost non existant to my ears who have heared this sound far too often to take notice but when its not there (in a dark park or outta tha city on ur lonesome)..

the fear
sets in
.... only because there is nothing there. no cars, no sounds lights or "signs of life"
suddenly on your own. or seemingly so... the safety of the city hum. a big wet security blanket that drips and drips and drips away at your inner eye till you go crazy at which point charlie says you'll be able to see.

falling in love.. with the mind with words unspoken -
reading words written by another
such fantastical moods and feelings and sensuality envoked!
though the words were meant for no one in particular
blurted out in cyber space
they come to me in a way that
makes me feel.
makes
me
FEEL

so far ive writen complete nonsense